Let’s talk about love!

If I want to start my blogging journey again why not start with love! everyone longs for love and acceptance in some way, but over the years, we have overtly simplified the ways of love. What I mean to say is love has lost its meaning we often confuse attachment or fear of losing someone as love, but when we read stories and poetry of authors we realize that what we were perceiving all along was not love.

Then what is love?

I have been looking for love for as far as I can remember, I remember when I was first in love it was this senior I had a fight on the first day of school and I remember how I used to not miss any chance to see him even though it was just in school. The warm fuzzy feeling that can cloud your mind and your center of the universe becomes that one person.

Over the years I realize that love starts from within. Back then, I was so hard on myself to become this perfect boy that everyone liked and I did not let my emotions or wishes be fulfilled. I was so engrossed in finding love that I forgot who I was. After years of abuse to myself and neglecting my emotions I finally realized that love starts from you! If you don’t love yourself how would you expect someone else to love you. Loving yourself is a journey for me it has been so difficult to unlearn years of bad habits and please people just so they like me.

Love yourself first!

I know it sounds like a cliche, one of those cliches that we hear in the movies, a cliche that give us the feeling damn it! I know this move it along! I do not need to know the obvious. but this one really stung when I was dealing with love myself one day when someone asked what if and I realized that I let my emotions get so strong that I forget myself in the process. In doing this for years I lost my identity. One day one of my dear friends asked me the obvious question What do you want? And I was completely blank. that got me thinking about what I want? and it even led to a bigger question who am I?

But believe me, I have started this journey of self-exploration and this blog is the first step. I feel better and I also have felt a load in my chest. I have started this journey to commit to a process where I do not have to hide my emotions no matter how dark are they and then in the process may be I will find my true self.

Love begins with you! only if the glass is full it can quench your thirst. This is the same thing let us accept ourselves and let us fill our hearts with love. Remember what Oprah Winfrey says in one of her interviews that your cup runneth over! once you are filled with love you will be able to give back to the people around you.

YOU MATTER!

YOU ARE LOVE!

Silent SD

Peace.

The Evening!

The only way you could find peace is from within at least that’s what they say. It is inside you, well I don’t think its entirely true. For me it is the time of evening, When you see the sun sets and the clouds fade away and there is a faint light it is not orange, not yellow or red it is amalgamated with a hint of blue. This doesn’t stay for long but it is something to look for and the best part is it is different every day, the colors are the same but the hues change some saturate and some fade. Somehow I correlate, I believe it is the exact situation of my mind. I try to relate every color with my emotions, some are saturated and strong and some are faded but there, It is surreal! As if I am matching and segregating my thoughts this really helps and I feel good. there is no time frame I just wait till the last of the lights fade and last of my emotions is sorted and separated. There is a skylark fluttering through these lights just like a restless thought, I can’t calm it down, it doesn’t want to. So, I wait until the stars appear sometimes clearly some times faded but they appear precisely. They are like tiny sparkles of hope from everywhere, some from my emotions, some from people and some are just there wanting to be reached. The skylark is calm now somewhere, there is no flutter.

You are a dream!

It was a pleasant winter evening in a bustling town of Mumbai, While people were enjoying their humdrum life amidst the sounds of rickshaws and horns Shalmali and Rishabh sat in a not so busy but a lovely cafe for tea, It was a cozy cafe with bamboo chairs and bamboo mats on the floor to sit on, aroma of tea an coffee was in the air there was a rack of books in the other corner of the cafe. After ordering peach iced tea for herself and a ginger tea for Rishabh, Shalamali and Rishabh sat at the corner table looking at each other. Rishabh winked at Shalmali, Shalmai blushed and she was more aware of the surroundings now, Rishabh was staring at her and Shalmali broke the silence “So it’s about time ha lover boy!” She chuckled “I had one of the best time of my life,” She said making a hand gesture. Rishabh reached out and pressed her hand gently something was bothering him but he was happy to see the sparkle in Shalmali’s eyes. “Yeah, time to go ha!” he said with a sigh he looked down at his tea stirred it twice and spoke again “How are you? baba!” Shalmali was a little surprised by the question but she said “I had the best time of my life baba! What do you expect!” she broadened her eyes and said, “I am so happy right now”. Rishabh looked at her with curiosity and asked her again “What am I to you?” Shalmali took a long sip from her iced tea and said “You, baba are a dream! a real dream!”.

Shalmali met Rishabh in Bangalore through a dating app when she went for her project work they exchanged numbers and after quite long conversations over phone calls, they decided to meet up. Rishabh was an adventurous and fun loving free spirit from Bangalore who had just started to live his life as it was. In spite of being raised by difficulties and hindrances, Rishabh was extremely compassionate and kind.  Rishabh’s kindness often got him into dilemma and troubles a lot of times. Lately he had been off the track emotionally which motivated him to travel far away from all the conundrums that had messed up his mind. He needed a break!

Shalmali was rather a matured girl with her own childish nature. She was from Mumbai  being raised by a stumbling past she had a different aproach towards life. Filled with her own kind of fire Shalmali was evidently passionate towards life. She had her own view of living which amazed people, at times she was often misunderstood. She had so much love inside her heart but she was afraid no onw would understand. Rishabh’s boyish charm lured her and she kind of grew liking towards her.  After meeting Rishabh she asked him upfront if he was available for a relationship but at that time Rishabh had just got out of a relationship and he needed a little peace from complications. He said no to Shalmali which had hurt her back then because she had really connected with this guy. Shalmali had to move on.

Since the time they have been talking to each other on and off over the phone. Shalmali came back to Mumbai after four months in Bangalore. Whenever they would spare time they would talk to each other about life, current events, their passions and open up about the problems they had. They felt an ease talking to each other untill recently when they started talking frequently and they decided to go on a 3 day trip to Goa. Rishabh was excited about the idea and Shalamali was thrilled It had been more than a year since they had met last time. There were faded memories but they were rekindling it now. Both of them decide to meet at a common place in Goa, Shalmali would come from Mumbai and Rishabh from Bangalore. They had the most intimate time while they were on this trip compliments, flirts and stares they couldn’t get hands of each other. It was all Shalmali had dreamed of when she was sixteen. No one had treated her the way Rishabh did. This trip was more of a bonding for them. They knew more about each other’s roots and they melted into each other. Like two kindled souls revolving around each other and connecting between sparks. It was the last day of the trip and Rishabh was leaving in about two hours when they were having this conversation.

She pressed his hands and continued “You know how dreams are! They are beautiful, They are just everything perfect and all that you ever want. Just like a beautiful memory that cannot be caged” She paused for a while and closed her eyes “Yes, You are a dream! you are perfect you are everything I ever want but I do nont want to bind you, I do not want to put barriers over you”

Rishabh was taken aback it was rather overwhelming for him nobody had ever expressed themselves this beautifuly to him. He stared at Shalamali and asked her with concern “Shalmali! am I hurting you in any…”. “Shhhhhh! don’t speak a word, Let me soak in this feeling a little longer” She cut her abruptly. After a while she broke her silence “Yes, It hurts but what we have here is amazing, It resonates and I am afraid it won’t feel the same if we put complications of expectations and wishes over it. Rishabh! we complain so much about how we don’t have love in our lives but what we had in past few days was more love than I will ever need. See love comes in our live in different forms and this love that we have is the best kind. The love you gave me in past few days is overwhelming you have made me feel so special no one has ever made me feel that and it shows how much you care about me but I know the moment I would force my emotions on you it will change. Believe me Baba! I want you in my life forever and I know you are a free bird. I know that you want things in life which are totally different from what I want so let’s just soak in the warmth that we had for few days. The memories that we created in past few days are priceless. They are intoxicationg and I am still hung over them”

They did not speak for a while Rishabh was about to board the train when Shalmali hugged him and she whispered

“You are a dream,

A real dream!…”

Change!

 

The Clock was ticking, but the time was still,

His eyes were dreaming, but his heart was still!

His skies were grey all steady and still,

He was comfortable, Used to and His life was still.

It was the time of change the skies were turning blue,

He was no ready, To the grey skies he was addicted still.

Long lost were his emotions of late,

Tears were rolling down but his voice was still.

He was troubled and distressed as if everything was gone,

His mind had a havoc but his actions were still.

 

What is our general reaction when we hear the word CHANGE!

Well almost every one of us is either scared, afraid, or have a negative feeling about it. This is really true we should really ask ourselves

Are we ready for any small or big changes in our lives?

The answer is almost a NO!

We are all comfortable living our lives the way it is, Or I’d rather say we are really used to living it this way. I am sure we all have plans in our lives, dreams and goals. We are all expecting and well rehearsed that it is surely gonna happen.

But What if it doesn’t!

Are we ready for that?  Are we ready to trade our plans, our dreams or our goals?

We are all taught how to dream!, How to decide and manifest our goals and dreams, But are we taught what to do when it does not turn out the way it would’ve? Why don’t we train our minds in a way where we are aware of what to do when it doesn’t work out! That we should not be shattered and broken when it is not the way we imagined, And that we are ready to accept the CHANGE!

We all have our priorities, Dreams and Goals but we must remember and know that they are very much likely to change, And when it does we must not get disheartened, sad and broken instead we must embrace it and think about other possibilities. We must expect the unexpected and be ready for it. Life is full of surprises and yes we may receive a good one if it does not work out.

 

 

 

 

The Battle within

Like push and the pull at same time,

You are stuck in a cell as if you’ve committed a crime.

Swimming against the tides with all your force,

Even after giving in all you cannot change the course.

You look for help but it all goes in vain,

It’s the deepest of pains you cannot explain.

They ask you to run away and never look back,

But the pain still haunts you there’s something you lack.

It’s the battle within the toughest of all,

Loose a little bit and can devour your soul.

The key to win is to go through the pain,

Experience it all until the demons are slain.

Don’t run away just fight a little hard,

You’ll come out clean with a much stronger guard.

Ever felt like you are stuck with somethings in life, A haunting past which makes you helpless. Just trying to avoid but it keeps on coming back, Even if you do not want to, You feel so helpless that the only way out is flying away. There is immense pain in your heart devouring you slowly.

 Well I have been experiencing these things lately, I thought I would share this with my reader family and help people in similar situations. I have been getting panic attacks and emotional breakdowns lately but I have battled with them now and have come out clean almost with a new start. So, following are some points that may help you get over it easily.

The only way out of any pain is not to avoid it but to feel it!

Do not be weak and let it break you instead use it to become a better person!

Do not try to escape or get away from it instead go through it experience it !

Do not isolate yourself , when do this you tend to over think and end up miserable!

Talk to your friend, When you talk it out you lose the negative energy and feel light!

Believe me friends it works these points have helped me get through my difficult times, Just believe you are a fighter and you can shift all the darkness out of your life. You have the power and potential to be free from all this and trust me it works.

This world has so much to offer, you deserve to be loved and you deserve to feel good. So never settle terms with these negative feelings instead leverage it to your own good. remember how far have you come, Remember your journey this far. If you can survive this trust me there is nothing in the world that can stop you!